Help With Kids Behavior

ADHD alone is difficult to deal with, but ADHD comorbid (or combined) with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) creates chaos.

If your child periodically talks back defiantly, slams doors, acts stubborn, and blows up but has some control to calm himself down, feel remorse, and accept consoling and logical explanations, he does not have ODD.

What is ODD?

If your child is hot-headed, gets angry frequently, loses his temper, is spiteful and vindictive, deliberately annoys people around him (at home and school alike), argues with adults, defies you, and refuses to carry out rules and adults’ requests, be forewarned.

If he is easily annoyed by others and overreacts to remarks by others, but never owns up to his mistakes because they are always somebody’s fault, this is a kid with full-fledged ODD.

This is not a phase that will pass. He cannot control these behaviors. He does not feel remorse for causing the hurt feelings and chaos in his environment.

He definitely needs treatment and may need additional medication (beyond what is prescribed for ADHD).

What Causes ODD?

ODD rarely travels alone. Frustrated from harsh adult reactions to his characteristics, a child with ADHD will often develop ODD as a defense mechanism against adults. This is why 65% of children with ADHD develop ODD.

The child with ODD opposes adults because he had a bad experience in the past caused by adults’ poor judgment. In his opinion, adults are not to be trusted. He believes he is smarter than adults so he trusts only his instincts, opinions, and observations.

To feel safe, he schemes to control, dominate, and manipulate his environment. He believes he is the only one who can take care of his welfare so he thinks only of one thing, “What’s my payoff?”

How to Change Your Child with ODD

Now that you know the “thinking errors” of defiant children, you need to adopt new ways to cope with and solve your child’s behavior problems.

To change your child with ODD, you need to do the following: *Provide structureto make his environment orderly and predictable. *Talk and act assertivelyGive short instructions and responses. This one technique will cut down on screaming and yelling in the house. Learn proper child discipline for children with ODD. *Tell him how you expect him to behave. Be his model. Train the values you want him to demonstrate. *Set up a token system (behavior chart)to convince him he is being paid for improved behavior.

You CAN Solve This

It sounds simple and it is if you can find the right guide with sound parenting advice. If you are ready to adopt new ways to cope with and change your child, I invite you to use these parenting tips to get started.

It is tough enough to keep up with the common behavioral problems in children these days if you feel confident in your parenting action plan. However, if you are not getting the results you are hoping for in your family life, one place to double-check is if you are stuck in the habit of not following through as you work with your children to help them overcome their behavioral problems.

Following through with your kids takes time and effort, to be sure. It can downright inconvenient, which is why so many parents fall back to nagging instead.

The question becomes, though, does nagging work?

My answer as a parent for over 27 years is “no”. But you need to answer for yourself and your family’s situation. If nagging is working for you, then by all means, continue it.

If you are like me and long for a better relationship with your kids than nagging can supply, then you will appreciate a better quality answer to your children’s behavioral problems.

== Common Behavioral Problems – a Quick Peek

The problems kids deal with are often age-related, but here are the common challenges most all kids struggle with as they grow.

· Not doing their chores at home.

· Not doing their school work.

· Being disrespectful at home or school.

· Lack of self-control.

· Lack of self-discipline.

· Selfish behavior.

· Not taking personal responsibility.

There are other childhood issues and these challenges do overlap, nevertheless, it’s easy to see how most childhood behavior problems flow from these basic situations.

As a parent, following through is an extremely effective tool you can use as you help guide your child to better behavioral patterns. It is not a guaranteed tool (no such thing in the parenting world), but NOT using follow through almost does guarantee failure in your home. Consider that!

Following through simply means that the rules or consequences you lay down, you enforce. So, the first rule that applies to you as the parent is…

= don’t state a rule or consequence you have no intention or way of carrying out!

Next…

= make sure the consequence is more on the child than on you. In other words, the major inconvenience for this consequence should involve the child, not involve you jumping through hoops to HELP your child comply.

And next again…

= it is your child’s job to test your limits and it is your parenting job to be a firm and unmovable wall in your task of enforcing the consequences you laid out.

In light of this information…

is your child is whining?

Doesn’t matter.

Is your child throwing a fit?

Doesn’t matter.

Is your child saying he hates you?

Doesn’t matter.

Don’t be emotionally sidetracked by your child’s behavior. Instead respond according to the consequences you have established.

Think of it this way: there are common behavioral problems in children and there are common healthy parenting behaviors designed to help kids work through those growing up challenges.

Following through is a big one.

So stand your ground, mom or dad. It’s your job to be the sheriff with the big star and the white hat. Your kids are finding out if they can respect you to say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t disappoint them! Be the hero, the leader in your family.

It will be one of the best things you ever do.

Product Description
Thanks to the pioneering efforts of dedicated researchers and clinicians around the globe—many of whose names appear in this volume’s extensive list of contributors—parent training has, in the last two decades, established itself as an empirically sound, highly efficacious, and cost-effective intervention strategy for treating behavior disorders in children. It is one of today’s most rapidly evolving intervention strategies, and the world literature on parent tr… More >>

Handbook of Parent Training: Parents as Co-Therapists for Children’s Behavior Problems

If you have a school age child who is exhibiting behavior problems, you’ve learned what ‘frustrating” and ‘exhausted’ are all about.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know if your child has a small problem or a larger one. As a parent you want there to be no problems at all and it can be easy to magnify any situation quickly. Your homelife can go from serene to chaotic in a moment and it’s easy to start feeling like things are spinning out of control.

Let’s face it, all kids have problems, just like adults. The real question is how severe is the problem and what can we do to make it better?

Now, I am not a therapist or doctor. I am a parent with over 27 years of mothering experience and based on that experience here are my thoughts for recognizing behavior problems in kids.

Mild behavior problems.

In this category we have the garden variety challenges school age children face.

= Not getting chores done.

= Laziness.

= Not doing things the first time they’re told (or the third or fifth).

= Procrastination.

= Occasional borderline disrespectful speech. My mother used to call it “sassing”.

Mild behavior problems in school age children have a lot to do with a child’s individual temperament. If you have a strong willed child, you left mild behavior problems a long time ago! Generally these types of problems can be mostly resolved with clear boundaries and firm reminders. Chore charts can be useful and fun in this process.

== Moderate behavior problems.

Every kid visits this section at least once in a while. Here you can expect to find:

= More regular homework problems.

= Occasional trouble at school.

= Possible bullying.

= Back talking.

= LOTS of foot dragging on doing work around the house.

These types of behaviors call for stronger boundaries, more serious consequences and a one hundred percent enforcement rate. Obviously, getting your child to see the error of his ways at this stage is going to be better than if he progresses to the next stage.

== Severe behavior problems.

These are the kinds of problems that completely disrupt a family. (Remember, these are for school age children, approximate ages 5-13 years.)

= Frequently disruptive at school.

= Drug/alcohol use.

= Vulgar speech used against others.

= Running away.

= Violence.

These are not easy problems to fix. They are usually highly ingrained and may be exacerbated by the beginnings of drug or alcohol use. They often require professional help as well as committed family effort.

In all of these categories, I have just given a sampling of behavior problems. Real life is much more complex. And all children exhibit signs from more than one category from time to time.

As a parent, you know your own child better than anyone else. If you can see that your school age child’s behavior problems are worsening, take steps to help sooner rather than later. Research child behavior, read books, ask questions, and if necessary, seek professional help.

Everyone has difficulties but steps can be taken to minimize those problems. Behavior problems in school age children can be mild, moderate or severe. Whichever level your child is facing, she can learn how to handle her challenges and grow to be the responsible adult you know she can be.