Help With Kids Behavior

If you have a school age child who is exhibiting behavior problems, you’ve learned what ‘frustrating” and ‘exhausted’ are all about.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know if your child has a small problem or a larger one. As a parent you want there to be no problems at all and it can be easy to magnify any situation quickly. Your homelife can go from serene to chaotic in a moment and it’s easy to start feeling like things are spinning out of control.

Let’s face it, all kids have problems, just like adults. The real question is how severe is the problem and what can we do to make it better?

Now, I am not a therapist or doctor. I am a parent with over 27 years of mothering experience and based on that experience here are my thoughts for recognizing behavior problems in kids.

Mild behavior problems.

In this category we have the garden variety challenges school age children face.

= Not getting chores done.

= Laziness.

= Not doing things the first time they’re told (or the third or fifth).

= Procrastination.

= Occasional borderline disrespectful speech. My mother used to call it “sassing”.

Mild behavior problems in school age children have a lot to do with a child’s individual temperament. If you have a strong willed child, you left mild behavior problems a long time ago! Generally these types of problems can be mostly resolved with clear boundaries and firm reminders. Chore charts can be useful and fun in this process.

== Moderate behavior problems.

Every kid visits this section at least once in a while. Here you can expect to find:

= More regular homework problems.

= Occasional trouble at school.

= Possible bullying.

= Back talking.

= LOTS of foot dragging on doing work around the house.

These types of behaviors call for stronger boundaries, more serious consequences and a one hundred percent enforcement rate. Obviously, getting your child to see the error of his ways at this stage is going to be better than if he progresses to the next stage.

== Severe behavior problems.

These are the kinds of problems that completely disrupt a family. (Remember, these are for school age children, approximate ages 5-13 years.)

= Frequently disruptive at school.

= Drug/alcohol use.

= Vulgar speech used against others.

= Running away.

= Violence.

These are not easy problems to fix. They are usually highly ingrained and may be exacerbated by the beginnings of drug or alcohol use. They often require professional help as well as committed family effort.

In all of these categories, I have just given a sampling of behavior problems. Real life is much more complex. And all children exhibit signs from more than one category from time to time.

As a parent, you know your own child better than anyone else. If you can see that your school age child’s behavior problems are worsening, take steps to help sooner rather than later. Research child behavior, read books, ask questions, and if necessary, seek professional help.

Everyone has difficulties but steps can be taken to minimize those problems. Behavior problems in school age children can be mild, moderate or severe. Whichever level your child is facing, she can learn how to handle her challenges and grow to be the responsible adult you know she can be.

If you have a child who is out of control, then a good children behavior problems management program can be helpful. As you are probably aware, behavioral issues can start at any time even in a child who is usually resilient. When this happens, you will want to know how to curb this type of behavior. The reason is clear: if you enable problem behaviors instead of teaching your child self-discipline, this can lead to a style of behaving that can adversely affect your child’s future.

Most parents understand that children’s behavior is a function of where they are in their development, but take care not to use this as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. For instance, not feeling well is not an excuse for being abusive to others or lashing out at family members or peers.

Although it may help parents to know that their child has had a bad day, it’s not okay to let the child use this as an excuse. The issue is that many parents have not been trained to figure out how to sort through developmental issues, so they unwittingly enable their children’s behavior, which just worsens the behavior over time.

But punishing children’s behavior can backfire, making some kids even more defiant and rebellious. This is where a good at-home children behavior problems management program comes in: it shows parents how to teach accountability and set firm limits without being punitive. That said, there is no reason to feel bad about needing to learn these simple strategies that no one ever taught you. Now that you know that such techniques exist, it is a good idea to learn them in order to restore a sense of peace and order in your home.

Even kids who have a conduct disorder can change their lives with an effective children behavior problems management program. That’s because these programs teach parents how to change behavior which is the yardstick that is used as a measure of success. In other words, learning equals a change in behavior. In addition to learning useful parenting techniques, your child will gain tools and strategies that will benefit him throughout his life.

In the final analysis, it’s not just children’s behavior that needs to change. We can all benefit from learning tools that make change possible because even as grownups, we still struggle with behaviors that do not serve us.