How does “happy family” sounds right now ?

Well it probably sounds far from reality. I know the bad children behavior routine : tantrums, defiant behavior, tears, screaming, no time for yourself, for your husband/wife, stress… the list never ends.

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Have you heard that positive affirmations, spoken to your children as they sleep, can bring greater depths of love and connection between you and your children? Nancy Beck, BSN, RN, says she has discovered this secret, and it is so important in her life that she just had to share it in her new book, Pillow Talk: Loving Affirmations to Encourage and Guide Your Children. Part memoir and part instruction manual for parents, Pillow Talk is one of the freshest and mos… More >>

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Most parents understand that children’s behavior is a function of where they are in their development, but take care not to use this as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. For instance, not feeling well is not an excuse for being abusive to others or lashing out at family members or peers.

Although it may help parents to know that their child has had a bad day, it’s not okay to let the child use this as an excuse. The issue is that many parents have not been trained to figure out how to sort through developmental issues, so they unwittingly enable their children’s behavior, which just worsens the behavior over time.

But punishing children’s behavior can backfire, making some kids even more defiant and rebellious. This is where a good at-home children behavior management program comes in: it shows parents how to teach accountability and set firm limits without being punitive. That said, there is no reason to feel bad about needing to learn these simple strategies that no one ever taught you. Now that you know that such techniques exist, it is a good idea to learn them in order to restore a sense of peace and order in your home.

Even kids who have a conduct disorder can change their lives with an effective children behavior management program. That’s because these programs teach parents how to change behavior which is the yardstick that is used as a measure of success. In other words, learning equals a change in behavior. In addition to learning useful parenting techniques, your child will gain tools and strategies that will benefit him throughout his life.

In the final analysis, it’s not just children’s behavior that needs to change. We can all benefit from learning tools that make change possible because even as grownups, we still struggle with behaviors that do not serve us.

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Autism causes very repetitive behavior and this probably some of the more accurate things you know about this disorder. You’ve probably seen on television an autistic child banging their head against the floor in a repetitive way or sitting there calmly rolling the wheels on a toy car. It basically boils down to a developmental issue. Typically regular children do this in their early years, but end up growing out of it. The difference is that with autism, they don’t.

Another type of autistic children behavior is this inability to react to very common stimulus. If you look at a typical infant, they catch on very quickly to their name. If you say it, they’ll look at you. Or if you clap your hands behind their head, they’ll turn around. It is a totally different scenario when a child has autism. They don’t always respond to their name and they might not respond to clapping or any other loud noises that most children would.

Obviously communication is the biggest area of behavior that you’ll notice. When it comes to autism, a lot of these behaviors are related to the person in general. Their skills, abilities and personality are going to play the biggest roles in the way they will communicate. Some children may not be interested in talking at all, while others will do it a little. You may notice a third party like diction from a child. Instead of them saying “I want ice cream”, they’ll say “You want ice cream” or “Do you want ice cream”. This can be some of the more odd behavior when it comes to communication.

The last aspect of autistic children behavior is their inability to relate to others. Instead of wanting to play with other children in the park, they’d rather sit in the corner of the sandbox by themselves, letting the sand go through their fingers.

I think it’s important to note that if you have a young child exhibiting these behaviors, it doesn’t mean they have autism. It’s actually quite common for children behave this way because they’re a little late to bloom. It’s perfectly normal and they’ll grow out of it. If you fear they may have autism, check with a professional to make sure. Don’t try to diagnose it yourself.

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Following through with your kids takes time and effort, to be sure. It can downright inconvenient, which is why so many parents fall back to nagging instead.

The question becomes, though, does nagging work?

My answer as a parent for over 27 years is “no”. But you need to answer for yourself and your family’s situation. If nagging is working for you, then by all means, continue it.

If you are like me and long for a better relationship with your kids than nagging can supply, then you will appreciate a better quality answer to your children’s behavioral problems.

== Common Behavioral Problems – a Quick Peek

The problems kids deal with are often age-related, but here are the common challenges most all kids struggle with as they grow.

· Not doing their chores at home.

· Not doing their school work.

· Being disrespectful at home or school.

· Lack of self-control.

· Lack of self-discipline.

· Selfish behavior.

· Not taking personal responsibility.

There are other childhood issues and these challenges do overlap, nevertheless, it’s easy to see how most childhood behavior problems flow from these basic situations.

As a parent, following through is an extremely effective tool you can use as you help guide your child to better behavioral patterns. It is not a guaranteed tool (no such thing in the parenting world), but NOT using follow through almost does guarantee failure in your home. Consider that!

Following through simply means that the rules or consequences you lay down, you enforce. So, the first rule that applies to you as the parent is…

= don’t state a rule or consequence you have no intention or way of carrying out!

Next…

= make sure the consequence is more on the child than on you. In other words, the major inconvenience for this consequence should involve the child, not involve you jumping through hoops to HELP your child comply.

And next again…

= it is your child’s job to test your limits and it is your parenting job to be a firm and unmovable wall in your task of enforcing the consequences you laid out.

In light of this information…

is your child is whining?

Doesn’t matter.

Is your child throwing a fit?

Doesn’t matter.

Is your child saying he hates you?

Doesn’t matter.

Don’t be emotionally sidetracked by your child’s behavior. Instead respond according to the consequences you have established.

Think of it this way: there are common behavioral problems in children and there are common healthy parenting behaviors designed to help kids work through those growing up challenges.

Following through is a big one.

So stand your ground, mom or dad. It’s your job to be the sheriff with the big star and the white hat. Your kids are finding out if they can respect you to say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t disappoint them! Be the hero, the leader in your family.

It will be one of the best things you ever do.

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Sometimes it can be difficult to know if your child has a small problem or a larger one. As a parent you want there to be no problems at all and it can be easy to magnify any situation quickly. Your homelife can go from serene to chaotic in a moment and it’s easy to start feeling like things are spinning out of control.

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